Monstrous Housemate


Whenever people complain about their housemates, it’s usually only about small annoying habits they might have like leaving dirty dishes in the sink, using all the toilet paper or not taking out the trash.

Sometimes though, things can get really bizarre. Australian author, John Birmingham, famously wrote the novel “He Died with a Felafel in His Hand” consisting of a collection of colourful anecdotes about living in share houses with variously dubious housemates.

It inspired us to ask staff from Independent Property Group offices to share their experiences with any weird, quirky or funny housemates.

Here are 10 of the best ones (names removed to protect the storytellers!):

1. The Late Night Troubadour

“I had to hide my guitar because my housemate thought it was really funny when he came home after a big night out to wake me with loud serenades. It really startled my girlfriend when he burst into my room singing ‘Bye bye Miss American Pie’ at 4am!”

2. The Scaredy Cat

“My former housemate claimed he loved cats. One day he came home with two kittens. For some reason they not only didn’t bond with him the way he hoped, but would lie in wait to ambush him! It was probably just part of kitten play, but the poor bloke was always covered with scratch or bite marks! He ended up being so terrified of being attacked for no reason, he wouldn’t go near them, so I had to look after them until he finally managed to rehome them. And I don’t even like cats!”

3. The Tea Kleptomaniac

“One of our housemates was constantly nicking what he considered were insignificant things from us, and one of his favourite things to take was my expensive, unopened hipster tea. Eventually I forbade him from touching it at all, but it kept going missing. He’d always make up elaborate stories to try and cover his tracks. When we finally got sick of it and asked him to move out, he had the nerve to demand we pay his moving costs. Needless to say we told him to nick off!”

4. The Master Chef

“One of my housemates used to love late night snacking. But one night he put a frozen chocolate cake in the microwave, forgetting to remove the tinfoil. While waiting for it to defrost he fell asleep. Not for long though, because our microwave exploded and woke EVERYONE up!”

5. The Borrower

“I suspected that one of my housemates was dipping into my wardrobe of clothes and shoes, but she would always deny it. Then I ran into her at the mall. Everything she was wearing was mine! Caught redhanded it was very hard for her to deny her borrowing habits… but she still tried.”

6. The Stranger in the Night

“My housemate had a new girlfriend who I’d never met and she unexpectedly stayed with us overnight, so I was unaware there was anyone else in the house but me and him. During the night she got up to use the bathroom, but lost her bearings on the way back to his room. She found my room instead and climbed into bed with me while I was sleeping. I woke up, had no idea of who she was or what she was doing in my room, jumped out of bed and started yelling at her. She had no idea what was going on either and started yelling back. My housemate then burst in and introduced us – it was a pretty crazy way to meet!”

7. The Slackers

“I lived in a huge 3 storey townhouse with my fiancé and another couple. The other couple would rarely help with the cleaning despite leaving a huge mess. It used to drive me CRAZY! We shared a fridge but not our food and kept it on separate shelves. Unfortunately one of their more annoying habits was leaving old, expired food in the fridge to rot. It was as if they were trying to recreate a high school experiment penicillin from mould! Eventually I got sick of it and one day when they weren’t home, I binned all their expired and festering food – which left hardly anything in their part of the fridge. We never talked about it, but I think they got the message, because they started helping around the house, including cleaning out the fridge!

8. The Imitator

“I think my housemate was trying to become me… It was weird. She was always going into my room when I wasn’t home and taking my clothes without asking. Whenever I asked her about it, she would deny it. One day I came home and I caught her in my room, sitting on my bed, wrapped in my towel and reading my diary. I told her she needed to move out. IMMEDIATELY!”

9. The Trash Taker

“One day I was getting rid of some old stuff I didn’t need. My room was on the top floor, so I left the rubbish bags near the top of the stairs so I could take them all down at once. I had to pop out for a bit, when I got back my housemate (who I’d always thought was a little strange) said to me “There was some interesting stuff in your bags…” It was very awkward and very odd. All I could think to say was “Ummm… yeah, you just, you know, take whatever you want… from my rubbish bags.”

10. The Naughty Nanny

“We had a housemate who worked as a nanny for a wealthy family. She lived with the family a lot of the time, while keeping a room in our house. She never paid her rent and always avoided us. Eventually we had to change the locks and because she refused to pay all the rent she owed we kept her furniture as payment. I still have a chair belonging to her more than 30 years later!”

Do you have any funny housemate stories you’d like to share? Let us know in the comments section below.



Subscribe to receive articles like this delivered to your inbox every fortnight